You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
