Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
