Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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