Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize