Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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