you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize