Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
