susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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