Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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