I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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