eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
