We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
