for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
