Who did Billy Mays play for?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
