Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
