Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
