maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
