ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
