I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
