please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
