i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize