Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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