its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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