nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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