U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
