Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
