We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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