Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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