I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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