Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I have post one night stand depression
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
