The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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