I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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