I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
