All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
