i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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