I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
