i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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