why didn't you poke me back
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
