I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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