And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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