I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
