What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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