Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
