fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i was born a porn star she said
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
