i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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