she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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