oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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