$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
and she was petting her beer can
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
