dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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