just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
