The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
