I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
