I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
