Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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