i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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