Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
