I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
