Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We are all done wearing pants today
and you fell through a lawn chair
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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