We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
