so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
