I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
