he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
