i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
