aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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