I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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