OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
do herpes really smell.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
