So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize