a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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