I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
